Feeling Lonely in Singapore? You’re Not Alone

There is a strange kind of loneliness that can happen in a city full of people.

You wake up in a beautiful apartment, take the MRT to work, grab your coffee, spend your day in meetings and come home knowing that you are, in many ways, living the life you once wanted.

You may even post photographs of it.

The restaurants. The skyline. The weekend trips. The beautiful cafés. The new experiences.

Friends back home comment, “Wow, you've really made it!”

And for a while, you believe it too.

But then, somewhere along the way, you start asking yourself a different question:

“Who do I actually have here?”

Who can you call after a terrible day? Who can you message at 10pm and say, “Are you free for coffee?” Who can sit with you, talk about absolutely nothing and make you feel that you belong somewhere?

That is the loneliness nobody really talks about.

Singapore is a highly connected city, but being surrounded by people does not automatically mean having deep personal connections.

And there is evidence that this sense of belonging can be complicated. HDB's 2023/24 Sample Household Survey found that 97.3% of households still reported some sense of belonging to their town or estate. But the proportion reporting a strong sense of belonging fell from 84.2% in 2018 to 67.2% in 2023/24. The research also found that a sense of community tends to strengthen with longer residence. (Housing & Development Board)

Perhaps that makes sense.

Relationships take time.

When you first arrive in Singapore, everything is exciting. You explore the MRT, discover hawker centres, find your favourite coffee shop and spend weekends exploring places you've never seen before.

But eventually, the novelty wears off.

Because exploring a city is very different from having someone to experience it with.

A beautiful restaurant is nice. A beautiful restaurant where you sit across from someone you love talking to is something else.

A walk along the beach is peaceful. A walk where you can talk about life with someone who understands you is something else.

And social media doesn't make it easier.

We see everyone else's holidays, promotions, dinners, new homes and happy families. We rarely see the anxiety, loneliness or uncertainty behind those photographs.

You are looking at their highlight reel while experiencing your own life in real time.

And perhaps they are doing exactly the same thing with your life.

Maybe we are all pretending to have figured it out.

For foreigners, this can be particularly difficult.

You may have colleagues, WhatsApp groups and hundreds of LinkedIn connections. But there is a big difference between knowing people and having people.

People have jobs, children, parents, bills, deadlines and their own struggles. They may simply not have the time or emotional energy to build another deep friendship.

That's adulthood.

And perhaps living in Singapore sometimes feels like a marathon where everyone is running towards something.

A better job.

A bigger home.

More savings.

A promotion.

A better future for the children.

Permanent residency.

Retirement.

Everyone is busy building a life.

But somewhere along the way, we can forget to build a life that actually feels connected.

The good news is that Singapore does offer many opportunities to create that connection.

There are community clubs, sports facilities, libraries, parks, neighbourhood activities, interest groups and volunteering opportunities. The People's Association currently has more than 270 Community Clubs/Centres and Residents' Committee Centres. (People's Association)

And volunteering may be one of the most meaningful ways to start.

Not because it looks good on your CV, but because you are doing something that matters to someone else.

Research cited by Singapore's Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth has found an association between giving, well-being, social relationships and a stronger sense of community. MCCY also notes that sports, arts and volunteering can help people build more diverse social networks. (Ministry of Culture, Community & Youth)

Sometimes, purpose creates connection more naturally than trying to make friends.

You don't have to walk into a room thinking, “I need to make new friends.”

Just participate.

Go regularly.

Talk to people.

Help someone.

Come back next week.

Then the week after.

Familiarity becomes conversation. Conversation becomes friendship. And friendship eventually becomes community.

It is also important to remember why you came to Singapore in the first place.

For many people, it was for a better job, better infrastructure, financial security, opportunities for their children or simply a chance to build a different life.

But every decision has a trade-off.

You may have gained professional opportunities while losing spontaneous evenings with old friends.

You may have gained financial stability while losing proximity to family.

You may have gained a beautiful new life while quietly missing the old one.

Both things can be true.

You can be grateful for Singapore and still miss home.

You can love your life here and still feel lonely.

You can be happy and homesick at the same time.

There is no contradiction in that.

And perhaps we also need to lower our expectations of what friendship looks like as adults.

Don't expect your new colleague to immediately become your best friend.

Don't expect one dinner to create a lifelong relationship.

Sometimes friendship starts with something as simple as:

“Want to grab coffee?”

Then another coffee.

Then a walk.

Then a weekend plan.

And one day you realise that someone who was once a stranger has quietly become part of your life.

That's how community is built.

Not through one grand moment, but through hundreds of small ones.

So if you are living in Singapore and secretly feeling lonely, please know this:

There is nothing wrong with you.

You haven't failed at moving abroad.

And you are certainly not the only person who feels this way.

There are probably people around you right now carrying exactly the same feeling.

They may just be waiting for someone else to say it first.

So perhaps be that person.

Say hello.

Join something.

Volunteer.

Go for a walk.

Invite somebody for coffee.

And if you really don't know where to start, write to us at DesiNewz.

Tell us what kind of people you'd like to meet, what you enjoy doing, or simply tell us that you're looking for some good company.

We may be able to connect you with someone.

Because sometimes, all it takes to feel a little less alone is to know that someone else is willing to listen.

You came to Singapore to build a better life.

Don't forget to build a life that feels good to live, too.

Sources

Housing & Development Board — Sample Household Survey 2023/24: data on sense of belonging and how community connection varies with length of residence. (Housing & Development Board)

People's Association — Community Clubs/Centres: information on Singapore's network of more than 270 CCs/RC Centres. (People's Association)

Ministry of Culture, Community & Youth — Volunteerism and well-being: research cited by MCCY linking giving/volunteering with well-being, social relationships and community. (Ministry of Culture, Community & Youth)

MCCY — Social capital and network diversity: evidence on participation in sports, arts and volunteering and the development of diverse social networks. (Ministry of Culture, Community & Youth)

SG Cares: Singapore's national movement encouraging volunteerism, ground-up efforts and everyday acts of care. (Ministry of Culture, Community & Youth)